Broken

I don’t know what happened but I broke. It all was going fine, then I fell deep into my mind. I can’t come back out. I’m scared. There’s nothing to be scared of. Life is great. I’m going to die. They’re going to manipulate¬†something I say and use it to kill me. they want me dead. Emotionally dead. Socially dead. Still breathing…barely. I don’t know what I did. I wanted help. i thought I had a friend. Both were lies. I’m scared. I can’t trust anyone. I’m weird. I don’t fit in. I’m okay until I’m not. Right now I’m not and I need to be. I need my phone. I need to text someone, to be reminded that the world isn’t ending. No one is here. I lost my phone because the demons were worse last night. I don’t know why. I’m scared. I can’t do this. Tomorrow I’ll collapse. In the middle of the AP test. They’ll know, but they’ll pretend they don’t. They’ll call the hospital. I’ll be gone. Physically gone. Gone forever. It will end tomorrow. My sanity will leave. Breathe. Don’t forget to breathe as you type. I wasn’t breathing. Why did I eat? I feel like I’m going to puke. I’m too sick to eat right now. Chocolate and lemons don’t mix. Tomorrow my life ends. Do I even bother with reading the books to prepare? They’re going to kill me. I should have requested accommodations. That requires therapy. Therapy tries to kill me. They only care about making a profit. They all are out to get me. it only works if God doesn’t exist and the only thing you have to worry about is making yourself happy. I dress revealingly because I don’t want to hide scars. If I shatter and I cut, I have to face the world and the questions they ask. I condemn myself. That keeps the knife tucked away. I can’t lie to people. No matter what they say, I’m not a liar. I’ll tell you the truth and make you cry before I lie. I feel a bit better. The glue is starting to kick in. Just don’t take me to the hospital.

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