Buff

via Daily Prompt: Buff

I’m buffing my life. All of the ends have finally come together, and now they’re being polished. Everything was in the air, so I braced for the attack, but they all landed perfectly. I’m in a relationship. I have a job. I got in to everything I applied for, and I’m happy. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed, but then it fades away. I talked to a childhood friend today who I thought hated me for the first time in years. Those were the best three hours at work I’ve had so far.

I don’t know how life got to this point, but everything makes me smile. At work last week, I was sweeping, and the head of the broom fell off. I just started laughing. My co-worker started flipping out. He’s new too and a lot more stressed about it. I picked up the broom head and screwed it back onto the stick. This co-worker isn’t the smartest. He freaks out over the mistakes that everyone makes, but launches fruit at customers, swears in front of small children, and eats food in front of customers (which the employee handbook specifically forbids), yet he freaked out over a broom head falling off.

My childhood friend gave me some advice today. She said “Never talk to boys.” I responded with “It’s a little late for that.” She started smiling and demanded to know his name. My older sister was back. She had left me for three years, but in that moment she was back. I was on cloud nine. We played cards and talked the entire time, as there were no customers this evening. When I was on my way home this evening, I started to question what had happened. I started to believe she was just being nice because she had to and that it would be gone the second I left work. Then my phone buzzed.

Today was fun! See you this weekend

That single text banished all of my demons. Life had come full circle. My sister was back, and here to stay. These things all may seem so insignificant to you as you read this, but it’s the little things that really matter. Everything can fall perfectly into place and still be so rough around the edges that you’re scared to touch it. When your life is being buffed, all the little things round out those rough edges. Everything becomes manageable, and you find yourself excited for the future. I don’t know what will happen, but I trust that it will be great.

Broken

I don’t know what happened but I broke. It all was going fine, then I fell deep into my mind. I can’t come back out. I’m scared. There’s nothing to be scared of. Life is great. I’m going to die. They’re going to manipulate┬ásomething I say and use it to kill me. they want me dead. Emotionally dead. Socially dead. Still breathing…barely. I don’t know what I did. I wanted help. i thought I had a friend. Both were lies. I’m scared. I can’t trust anyone. I’m weird. I don’t fit in. I’m okay until I’m not. Right now I’m not and I need to be. I need my phone. I need to text someone, to be reminded that the world isn’t ending. No one is here. I lost my phone because the demons were worse last night. I don’t know why. I’m scared. I can’t do this. Tomorrow I’ll collapse. In the middle of the AP test. They’ll know, but they’ll pretend they don’t. They’ll call the hospital. I’ll be gone. Physically gone. Gone forever. It will end tomorrow. My sanity will leave. Breathe. Don’t forget to breathe as you type. I wasn’t breathing. Why did I eat? I feel like I’m going to puke. I’m too sick to eat right now. Chocolate and lemons don’t mix. Tomorrow my life ends. Do I even bother with reading the books to prepare? They’re going to kill me. I should have requested accommodations. That requires therapy. Therapy tries to kill me. They only care about making a profit. They all are out to get me. it only works if God doesn’t exist and the only thing you have to worry about is making yourself happy. I dress revealingly because I don’t want to hide scars. If I shatter and I cut, I have to face the world and the questions they ask. I condemn myself. That keeps the knife tucked away. I can’t lie to people. No matter what they say, I’m not a liar. I’ll tell you the truth and make you cry before I lie. I feel a bit better. The glue is starting to kick in. Just don’t take me to the hospital.