This has got to be a record for me. I haven’t written in so long, yet it’s not because everything is going so fantastic that I didn’t need this therapy. I just didn’t want to. Writing stream of consciousness is difficult at times. It relieves you of your troubles, but in order to do so, it forces you to recognize them by writing them down. Something Just Like This by the Chainsmokers and Coldplay is painful. I love the song, and it’s adorable, but I hate being single and it just punches me right in the feels whenever I hear it.
She didn’t get into the local land grant university. I looked up to her, and she didn’t make it in. I want to go to one of the colleges there that’s even harder to get into, and she didn’t make it in. What does this mean for me? I had my whole life planned out, and I might not even make it in. I can’t go anywhere else. My heart is set on that school, but she didn’t make it in and I probably won’t either. Or I will and she’ll secretly despise me because she’ll think she should have gone farther than the dweeb who was three years younger and just followed her around everywhere. She may already despise me because I’m more successful. I don’t mean to be, I wish she was here with me. She could be on the executive boards too. I hope we’ll be on royalty together. She can be the queen and I’ll be her first princess. But where would that leave my other female dairy bowl teammate? There are so few guys that apply, maybe two of us could be queens and the guys could realize that they need to step up their game if they want the title and more importantly the scholarship that comes with it. They’re too conservative for that though. I wonder if I wouldn’t get chosen if they found out I’m bi. Of course, they wouldn’t make it obvious that that was why. They would come up with some other reason why, and I’d be awful to accuse them of such a terrible crime.
She was so cute and so much like me. I met her at a friend’s birthday party and she was just like me, except in one aspect; she’s a witch. He whom I swore I would never speak to again says she’s probably a demon since that’s the only explanation for why she would have the same mind as me. I think he’s just jealous of any competition. His interactions with other men or anyone else who one of his female friends might be romantically attracted to are like watching roosters fight and it’s disgusting. The other party usually just tries to avoid him because they’re civilized people who don’t want to fight or don’t even know him, yet still he’ll insult them when he talks to you and you mention them in the slightest. It’s scary.
I wish the boy from camp and homecoming would ask me to prom or on any date or just ask me to hang out or even respond to my texts. I asked him if he wanted to come to a homeschool dance, but he was busy. I responded with “Okay :(“. I was at a competition and also had to meet with some people to plan a major project that could be used for two years of college credits, so I couldn’t say much more. The next day, I typed him and said “I really hope there’s some time we can hang out before prom. I miss you.” Eight days later and he still hasn’t responded.
I need some help. If you’re reading this, please leave a comment with some advice. If I can get just one comment on this post, that will set a record too.