Nothing Much

The Facts:

Not much happened today. I went to work, then to bible study, and then came back home. It was a good day, but not good enough to inspire hundreds of words of thoughts in any new direction  (or so I thought when I wrote that sentence). The only interesting conversations happened at bible study, but they were interesting in a sense of telling some of my super conservative, pious, Mennonite friends a bit of the stuff that’s been happening.

Stream of Consciousness:

I had to censor  what I told my Mennonite friends down a ton, almost to a point where it felt like telling lies. As you probably know by now, by improv class isn’t the most appropriate place on the planet, but I still like my classmates, and at least on stage, I trust them. If my Mennonite friends knew the full story with all the details, they would never talk to me again. That has already happened to me with the two friends who actually came to the show, and I can’t let it happen with anyone else. If it means hiding the truth, so be it. I’ll never straight up lie to them; if they ask me a specific question, I’ll tell the truth as generally as possible, but I’m allowed to have my secrets. I already have some secrets, and a few more won’t kill me. So much for having a day where I don’t post much on my life story entry. This is difficult to explain. I feel like I’m just repeating myself over and over again, but that’s because those are the thoughts that keep rolling through my head. It sounds weird to refer to those friends as my Mennonite friends, but I can’t find another way to describe them that wouldn’t risk giving away who they are. I also have more Mennonite friends than just the ones in this group, but again, I can’t find another way to describe them. Usually writing calms me down. Today it seems to be just winding me up. I started with nothing, no thoughts at all on the day, and now the words won’t stop. Usually by this point, I have reread the entry several times in search of new inspiration to continue writing, but I don’t need that today. I’m calm, but very perplexed at the same time and that’s only making me more perplexed. Soon, I’ll be so perplexed that I can’t be calm, but then I’ll just be perplexed over nothing since I was perplexed over being calm. Then I’ll just fall into a paradoxical cycle which basically just means I have no reason and every reason to be perplexed. Are you confused yet? I am. I’m starting to get a headache. I think I’m done typing for now.


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